Slacker Mama

Once again I have slid backwards into my comfortable slacker mama persona. I promised myself that I would keep up on this blog, and yet I haven't updated in...ahem...awhile. So much has happened since the last update! And away we go.....

Well, first off, the adorable little mouse like creatures that we call chihuahua puppies have all grown up and moved on to their new homes. All except one, Mojo, whose sheer insane level of puppy adorable has allowed him to remain with us. I am happy, the kids are happy, Wil...well, he is happy that we are happy! The kids were surprisingly good about letting the puppies go to their new homes. I enjoyed the experience, but I am very grateful that the daily amount of poop and pee cleaning has dropped dramatically since they left. Don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of unsavory bodily fluid messes for me to clean up, so I won't get rusty or anything. You gotta keep up your skills, you know!



Later in September, Lola had her first experience showing a chicken at the fair. Our lovely specimen, Diamond Hen, was a real sport about the whole thing, enduring a bath, a week in a cage surrounded by sticky children and other unhappy chickens, and most humiliating of all, the chicken costume contest. Let me just say that the chicken showing part was just how you would imagine it with preschool kids. Lots of adorable children pack their large chickens up to a table and the judge asks each kid a question about said chicken, maybe looks it over a little, and then everyone gets ribbons. The costume contest, however, was a whole new world. I apparently did not take the costume contest as seriously as I should have. The competition was absolutely fierce. Obviously I need to vastly improve my sewing skills before I tackle that aspect of poultry showing again. I thought it was bad enough that I spent my evening the night before sewing a superhero cape for a chicken, but apparently the woman who sewed the little wizard hat and robes for her daughter's rooster is on an entirely different level of greatness.

All in all, the chicken showing thing was pretty fun, and Lola was a champ with her barn duty. She thought wining the ribbons was awesome, and Diamond Hen did not seem any worse for the wear. Lola's thoughts on the whole deal? "Mom, next year can we show a cow?" Ugh. If there is a cow costume contest, then seriously, count me out.

School started up again without much issue. Lola was very sad that she did not get to go to Kindergarten with her friends, who are mostly older than her by at least 2 months. She has settled into preschool, however, and is looking forward to kindergarten next year.

October was fairly uneventful, with Halloween of course being the highlight of the month for the kids. Lola went to the fabric store with me to choose her costume this year. She wanted to be a pink flamingo. I have since decided that under the little "notions" section on the flamingo pattern, next to the zipper and the elastic it should really read "at least 3 glasses of wine for each night spent sewing a thousand pink feathers on the blasted fleece." Good lord I thought I would never see the end of it! All those feathers! My vacuum hose is full of them, my cats are still barfing them up, and I just recently found one in my slipper. Anyway, her costume turned out awesome, and she loved it. Please see adorable video below for costume admiration.

Rowan's handmade dinosaur costume was not meant to be, as my frigging sewing machine broke down AGAIN in the middle of it. When your sewing machine actually speaks to you and says "safety device activated!" while sending a broken needle flying at your eyeball, I think what it really means is "what were you thinking? Don't be a hero, buy the kid a skeleton costume at WalMart and have another glass of wine." So, not one to argue with a sewing machine, that is exactly what I did.

Wil's crowing achievement of the last few months is teaching his children how to headbang to Queen. This is a life skill that they will value and use in many different situations as they grow, I'm sure.

We even managed to squeeze in a little Halloween fun of our own. I found my crimper!! Hail to the 80's!



November has brought with it Lola's 5th birthday. For some reason 5 just seems so huge to me. I just can't even believe it. My baby is 5. She actually asked me for an iPod the other day. Seriously. We had a Fancy Nancy birthday blast, and all the little girls had an awesome time decorating the table, sprinkling and frosting cupcakes, and doing their makeup. Lola even forgave me for only allowing her to invite a few friends. (We are really sorry about not being able to invite all of Lola's friends, but I just couldn't handle a full blown birthday bash this year!) Glamorous darling!



And that is that on the kid front. On the mommy front, I got a little taste of freedom in a trip to the west side with a friend and our horses. The horses are off to boot camp for 90 days. After a completely harrowing trip there involving a large truck and horse trailer, two horses, rush hour on I5, rain, darkness, and no left blinker or brake lights, we completely deserved to take the weekend off and enjoy a little girl time in Seattle. I feel refreshed, but that small taste of kid free fun left me wanting more! I think I may have to make it a habit to get out more often!

So We Decided to Have Puppies.....

Announcing the birth of our four adorable new additions to the family! Well, at least for the next 8 weeks, then Wil says they need to find new homes. Ivy had her puppies without any troubles on August 29th, between noon and 2 pm. Her temperature dropped the morning of the 28th, a sure fire way to guess there would be pups within the next 24 hours. So of course I worried and watched all that day, and then set my alarm to wake me up every hour all that night to check on her. Every time I peeked around the corner to look, she would give me this look like "Hey crazy lady, are you stalking me? Freak!" and then she would curl up and go back to sleep.

I figured my thermometer was broken, and we decided to go to church the next morning. We were gone 90 minutes. When I came back I rushed to check on her, and noticed that she had dragged all of her toys into her little box I had fixed up for her to give birth in. Hidden amongst the toys was one tiny black and white puppy!

Here is a picture of Sterling anxiously awaiting his babies...or maybe he is anxiously awaiting a treat...hard to tell.


Pandemonium ensued as the kids figured out what was going on. I settled them down and they got to watch as puppy number two entered the world. I shooed the kids out and anxiously awaited the birth of number three, which was followed by a surprise number four. The whole time I hovered, poised to jump in with my clamps, drugs, lube and gloves, but I was completely unneeded.


The little ones are doing great. Poor mama dog is getting a little tired of solitary confinement with her youngsters....I know how she feels! She is a great mama though and they are growing really well. She is eating me completely out of dog food!

Fields of Gold

I have always loved this time of year. I love the golden hills, a patchwork quilt of different grains. Having grown up on a wheat farm, I feel an unbreakable connection to this land, and these fields of gold and brown and green. I find it beautiful, especially on a calm night, when the haze in the air from dusty combines and grain trucks helps to create a truly amazing sunset. If I close my eyes, the wind in the wheat almost sounds like the ocean, and I smile.

Every year I take the kids to walk through the hot stubble in search of a familiar grain truck. I know that if we wait there long enough, eventually the soft hum I hear in the distance will become a roar as a combine appears from behind the hills and slowly climbs toward us. The kids have never been afraid of the fearsome machine, with its noise and huge moving parts. They are always excited to watch as the beast slows, stops, and the motor winds down. This year was no different, and they jumped around in anticipation as the great machine quieted. The door opened, and Grampy helped them up the ladder for their annual combine ride.



I used to ride with them, but this year they wanted to go on their own. I sat in the wheel well of the truck, taking pictures and appreciating the beauty of the golden field set against the dark green mountains and the bright blue sky. I watched them slowly move around the field, chewing up the standing grain. The kids only rode for one loop, but it amazes me to think about the hundreds, thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of loops my dad and many other farmers have made around these same fields year after year after year.


A part of me misses being out here too, carefully hauling the precious cargo from field to elevator, over and over again - a hot and miserable job that seems a rite of passage for a farm kid on the Palouse. I wonder if my kids will ever drive these dusty roads cut through stubble fields, hauling in the grain, and complaining about the dirt and chaff and heat. Will they feel as tied to these fields as their mother?




Too soon, their ride is over, and they climb backwards down the tall ladder, dirty and happy, chattering about the header and the auger, and the wheat. I hope that we can do this again next year, and the next, and that someday they can look out at these fields and remember, and smile too.






Thin stalks wave in liquid movement, flowing over the hills like water.

A steady wind stirs the surface, swirling green and summer gold,

Delivering the gentle warm smell of chaff and earth,

Calling me to leave the safety of bare ground,

and slip into this wild wheat sea,

where I might drown in its colors,

Pulled down by hazy memories of harvests past.

Whitecaps form in standing grain.

The sun explodes in droplets of pink and orange.

My heart sails home on a rolling sea of wheat.

Everything's Bigger in Texas!

I realize I've been a bit delinquent in posting lately. We've had a fast and amazing summer! It seems that there is never enough time in the day to do everything that I had hoped to achieve when first getting up in the morning. It seems like just yesterday it was May, and I was dreaming of warm evenings and late sunsets. Now here we are already most of the way through August. The combines are busy cutting the sea of wheat that surrounds our home, and the kids go to bed each night exhausted from hours of sun and water every day. So much has happened since my last post, that I think I will focus this time on our awesome summer vacation to Texas!

At the end of May, we set off on a family adventure. We had decided to fly to Texas for my cousin's wedding. Wil and I were excited to visit our good friend from college who just happened to live in the same city we were headed to for the wedding! We booked a week stay in a two-bedroom suite, rented a minivan, and secured flights to and from for an amazing price. It would prove too good to be true. Our flight from Spokane to Denver went off without a hitch. We left at about 9 am. Sadly, a thunderstorm and tornado arrived in Denver about the same time we did, and we were forced to circle for an hour before finally heading off to Colorado Springs, where the airline so nicely made us sit for hours on the tarmac. The entire tail of the airplane was filled with children under the age of 6, so it didn't take long for the airline to announce that they would turn on the television for free. Instant quiet ensued, as the kids were lulled into silence by cartoons.

After several hours, we were cleared to go to Denver. By the time we landed, we had missed our flight to Texas. It was now past 6 pm. The kids had eaten nothing but crappy airline snacks all day, and they were exhausted and crabby. The airline kept assuring us and the other weary travelers that our plane to Texas was on its way. Sometime after midnight we boarded the plane, strapping the sleeping kids into their seats. Of course the rental car place closed long before we arrived, so our friend had to come and get us at the airport. We slipped into our beds in the hotel at 5 am.

Our vacation got off to a rocky start, and we were tired for the first day. After a good nights rest, and a lot of cursing directed at the airline, we were ready for action. We had promised Lola that we would drive to SeaWorld, only about an hour away from where we were staying. She really enjoyed the whale show, and I have to admit that I liked it too. A part of me felt sad though, watching those amazing animals doing dumb tricks for our amusement. Still, I'm so glad that she got to see them in real life. My friend and I went on a couple of the roller coasters. Wil has this annoying habit of vomiting on roller coasters, so he played with the kids in the kiddie park while we enjoyed the rides.





The next day was the wedding. It was absolutely beautiful! Lola was a sweet little flower girl, and Rowan slept through the entire ceremony. Bliss! I tried to ignore the poisonous snake spotted swimming in the creek behind the wedding location. Seems like there are a lot of poisonous bitey things in Texas! Anyway, the wedding was a lot of fun, and we had a wonderful time there!



We were able to squeeze in a fly fishing trip for Wil. Our friend and his girlfriend took us to an amazingly beautiful river with a solid rock bottom. Here and there were little "holes" in the riverbed, making small deeper pools. The kids splashed and played, jumping in and out of the pools, while I watched nervously for snakes, and enjoyed a few cold Millers. The "big kids" spent the afternoon fly fishing, and caught quite a few fish.

The kids really enjoyed getting to see their great gramma! She and my aunt were kind enough to stay with them in the hotel room one evening so Wil and I could go out to dinner. It was sad leaving everyone to head home, but I'm so glad that we were able to visit!




Our flight home left Texas at 6 am. It was the first flight out, surely nothing could go wrong this time, right? Right??? Wrong, so stinking wrong. The flight was delayed, causing us to miss our Denver to Spokane connection. The ONLY Denver to Spokane connection that ENTIRE DAY!

At this point, Mommy lost control.

Yep, Mommy went into total and complete, irreversible batshit hysteria. And Wil did nothing to stop it. In fact, he almost grinned as he knowingly released the all kinds of crazy that was his wife on the unsuspecting airline complaints desk. Needless to say, when all was said and done, we had several free airline ticket vouchers, a free stay in a Denver hotel that night, and a whole buttload of free food vouchers. We were to fly out the next day, in the afternoon.

We arrived at our wonderful hotel in Denver. The lady at the front desk took one look at me and my children who were by now awfully close to the edge. She said "honey, you must be the ones that are delayed to Washington." I nodded. "You know what you need?" she said sympathetically, "Here is a free cocktail voucher, a movie on the house, and a bag of freshly baked cookies. Let's get someone to get your bags up to your room."

I have never felt more attracted to a woman. I could have kissed her right then and there. Finally! Someone who cared about my little family!

We holed up in our room, napped for a few hours, and then decided to check out the Denver Zoo. The kids had a blast, and we did too! The animals were all so great, and Lola finally got to see a giraffe. Wil and I enjoyed our cocktails at dinner that night, and the kids watched some cute little Japanese movie before bed. Everyone was chipper. Morale was high for the first time since the airport. The next day we visited the Denver Museum. Wow! It was so awesome! The kids loved the space station exhibit, and spent hours looking at the dinosaur skeletons.



That afternoon we finally got on our flight home. We arrived home after dark, and the kiddos went right to bed. Overall it was a great trip, Despite the 17 hours it took to get there, and the 36+ hours it took to get home.

Where to next? Just not the Denver airport...although if anyone has any questions about the layout of that airport, I can probably draw you a map!

"Fish are slimy and I don't touch them....here I cut this worm in half for you, Mommy!"

My daughter wavers between tomboy and diva, bouncing precariously back and forth between the two with ease. She can go from princess to mudball in nanoseconds, from "I love kitties!" to "Why can't I touch that dead bird?" in just mere moments. So went our first day of fishing this spring.

To me, fishing is simultaneously fun and disgusting. You have the anticipation, watching your little bobber float on the surface for what seems like forever. Then there is the thrill of the catch, reeling that fighting fish to the shore. At this point you have the gross. The fish has to get off the hook somehow, and to me there is not much grosser than a slimy slippery wiggling fish, frantic to whack you in the hands, arms and legs in an attempt to escape. After the fish is taken care of, you have the yucky business of re-baiting the hook, which is fine if the local fish enjoy kernels of corn, but if they like worms (or worse, maggots) then you have to impale the disgusting little critter on the hook, often getting critter innards on your fingers in the process.

This brings us back to our fishing excursion a few weeks ago. Lola loves fishing, but like her mama, she doesn't like the touch the fish. She does not have any qualms, however, about hacking an earthworm in half with her fingernails and bringing it to me to poke onto the hook under her watchful eye.


Lola caught her five fish right away with minimal help from us, and was done. Rowan caught his first fish, with slightly more assistance, and went on to catch the rest pretty easily. He was very proud of his fish and had no problems wanting to touch it. I think he would have taken it to bed with him that night if we had let him!




After fishing, we visited a local little town for their springtime celebration. The kids had a great time playing in the park, and getting little train rides from one of the locals!


We continued our outdoor May adventures the next weekend by going mushroom hunting. Not those kind of mushrooms, come on people....morels! A wonderful fungal delicacy that I remember hunting when I was a little kid. Wil and I have tried for years to find even a few of these morsels, but we are always shut out. Not this year! Armed with a friend's advice, a backpack for Rowan, and hiking boots for Lola, we set out to climb a mountainside in search of morels. Several hours and one backache later, we hit the mother load! We came back with enough morels to cook up, dehydrate and share. We went back the next weekend and found several more pounds, adding up to one great morel season. Where did we find all these shrooms? Ah, I'll never tell!


We also made it to Montana for our family get together. We had so much fun I forgot to take pictures. Here is the only picture I got this year, of the kiddos in their trailer beds!


We have been doing some crazy landscaping in the garden lately. We took out a huge unruly juniper bush (Latin name Spawnus Satanus) and replaced it with a lovely fountain that I built by myself. OK, so I had Wil pick up and move the two largest rocks for me, but seriously I built the rest by my self. True story. Anyway, after I built the fountain, it looked a little lonely in the devastation left by the juniper bush massacre. So we took a trip to the local nursery to buy a few trees and lovely flowering bushes to fill the emptiness left by our friend the juniper bush. The kids had a great time helping us pick out a lilac, a butterfly bush, and two white flowery bushes that I have since forgotten the names of.




Here is my fountain! Bask in its glory! If you want to know how to create this masterpiece for only $218, let me know, because it can be done easily!



Oh, and of course, here is the requisite picture of the chihuahuas, hopefully soon to become parents. I know, get your pets spayed and neutered, blah blah blah, I feel like a traitor to my profession. But chihuahua puppies are soooo cute. Aren't they Ian? I'll ship one to you free of charge when they are born!

Baby's First Stitches

Funny that Wil and I were just talking the other day about how accident prone our son is, and yet he had not yet broken a bone or had stitches. That trend ended a couple days later, however, when I received that dreaded call at work. Apparently a handmade antique cabinet had fallen on Rowan, glass door shattering over his little head and cutting him in two places. Being the paranoid schitzo mom that I am, I had repeatedly tried to tip this cabinet over before placing it in Rowan's room months before. While I could not budge the stubbornly bottom heavy piece of furniture, evidently a four-year-old fighting over a rubber elephant with a two-year-old can generate enough force to knock said cabinet over. Go figure.

Anyway, I rushed home from work to find a sad little boy, an unhappy babysitter, a sleeping Lola, and a larger than it really should have been pool of blood soaking into the new carpet. Luckily our sitter is a newly graduated nurse who was working for us until she was able to find a job, so she had cleverly constructed a bandage out of band-aids and gauze, and other bits of emergency bandage material that was gathering dust in the cupboard.



The ER experience was sad, but Rowan was a champ. He was given some kind of baby dope that made him really really smiley and chilled out, then they strapped him to a little board with velcro. At first he thought the board was pretty cool, saying "surf board, surfboard" over and over. But then the meds started to wear off a little, and he realized that his hands were strapped down, and then unhappiness ensued. Luckily, the doctor was very fast and had the whole thing cleaned up and stitched up in a matter of minutes. When we let him out of his velcro prison, Rowan tried to run off with the "surf board". He didn't get very far, however, as his little legs weren't quite awake from the drugs yet. We convinced him to trade the board for a promise of Dairy Queen, and proceeded to get ice cream, which we all know makes everything better! Seven stitches. After a week, I pulled them out myself during a particularly enthralling episode of Dora.



We took a family trip to a nearby city to watch "Dinosaur!" a live show with very lifelike dinos. I had thought I bought tickets several rows up in the stands, but we actually ended up just 4 rows back. The huge life sized dinos roared right at us, and we could see right down their throats! Rowan spent the entire 90 minute show with a piece of popcorn poised at his mouth, frozen in absolute delight. Lola loved the show as well, and especially liked the flowers that appeared to grow right in front of her.



The sun has finally decided to come out a little, here and there, and we have been taking advantage of every minute of it. The yard and garden are starting to come alive and we have flowers everywhere! The garden is untamed, and will need a lot of work, but the kids are getting old enough where they don't need constant "three feet away" supervision anymore, and I can work away in the garden while they dig in the dirt nearby.

We have been visiting some playgrounds too since it is warmer outside, and the kids especially like going with friends!


I was honored to be asked to create and hostess a table for the Arts Council "Spring Tea" this year. I decided to theme my table "Cowgirl chic" and used my great grandmother's rose china, some denim, leather fringe, and western accessories to turn a blah table into a country girl's tea party extravaganza! It was so much fun. Thanks to everyone who bought tickets to sit at my table. Although I may never again sew 7 yards of fringe onto an 80 inch handmade denim tablecloth again....


Finally, the playground in our own city park has been installed! After years of bake sales, water sales, raffles, silent auctions and other fund raisers, we have met our goal. I took the kids down for a sneak peek the other day and they were so happy to have safe playground equipment just their size! I have to admit, I did shed a few tears of joy watching them play on something that myself and several others have worked so hard for so long to purchase and place. I can think back to the really hard times when we weren't sure we would ever have the funds, when I wondered if I would ever see my own children playing on the items we wanted to purchase. Watching them today, I am filled with pride and joy! Now, on to the next project....or maybe not....maybe we will just bask in this one for awhile!

"A Princess Dog Named Diamond" by Lola

I came home from work the other day to find my happy kids eating dinner with their awesome babysitter. They apparently had a wonderful day, as they both tried to tell me at the same time. We did the usual evening routine...dinner, bath, quiet playtime, brush teeth, read book and bed. I then started in on the evening "Mom chores" like cleaning up the kitchen, putting away toys, and generally resetting the house for the next day of total mayhem. As I was picking up, I found a little construction paper and yarn book. I remembered telling the sitter that Lola really wanted to make a book with her. They must have done it today! Excited to read my daughter's sure to be adorable words, I opened the book. This is what I found. Should I be worried?



"A Princess Dog Named Diamond"
By Lola

My princess has a puppy named Diamond. Diamond likes to play fetch.

The princess saw a fairy go by. Then her puppy ate the fairy! The fairy was dead. (Note the dead fairy in the upper part of the illustration. Note the realistic bleeding wounds)





After her dog ate the fairy, all her friends came over to play. They were playing pom pom candy land put it in the bag.

"Well," the princess said "I'm hot and hungry and want to eat some lunch." So she made some macaroni and cheese. She fed her dog a bone.





And the fairy said, "The End"
(note the fairy inside the dog)

Wow. This made me simultaneously giggle and wonder what in the universe is going on inside that little girl's head. Seriously. Maybe I shouldn't have brought her along to the clinic so many times during surgery.


The other night I made a perfectly acceptable dinner - chicken pot pie. OK, so it was weight watchers chicken pot pie, but it was still very good. Picking at her food unhappily, Lola said "Mommy, can you please not make that dinner ever ever again, cuz I don't like it and I don't eat it, and then no cupcake." I guess I had tainted the chicken and the crust with veggies, thus rendering it inedible.

A few days later we had the following conversation.

"Mommy, I like your earrings."
"Someday when you're really big you can get earrings."
"Why do I have to be big?"
"Because you have to have little holes poked for the earrings and it hurts a little bit."
"Mommy, I'm a girl who doesn't like earrings."

I guess I don't have to worry about earrings for awhile!

Lola has wavered back and forth for a few weeks about whether or not to grow out her bangs. This, of course, has resulted in a lot of frustration for me, as she refuses to keep barrettes in her hair to hold the shaggy bangs out of her eyes. Now when we are out, I imagine people looking at her and sadly wondering how a mother could allow her child to look like that sheepdog from that old cartoon. For tonight, she is going to grow them out. This could all change tomorrow morning when she wakes up. I hear that this does not get any better when she becomes a teenager.

Lola had her first dance recital last weekend. It was adorable. I've never seen so much cutsie pootsie organized chaos all in one small space.




Rowan has been doing great. He doesn't have too much to say yet, so I don't have many funny things to put here. He continues to be terrified by whoopie cushions, and also balloons that have leaks in them. I can imagine him explaining that one to a shrink when he is 45.

The kids decorated Easter eggs tonight. I read a great tip in a magazine about putting the eggs in a whisk to help them dunk the eggs in the die with minimal mess. I highly recommend this method of egg dunking to anyone with small children, or even accident prone husbands that are "helping" the kids decorate eggs. It worked great! Both kids actually enjoyed eating their handiwork when we were done!







Well, that is that. An official update. Hopefully this crummy weather will cease and desist soon, so that the sun will come out and provide us with some good outside time. I can't wait!